hai..was looking at the last post and realized i was kinda incoherent..

anyway yesterday zhen left for australia..really envy her..i also want to go overseas to study/ work..hai..but..hmm..she and her bf lasted for about 4 years plus le..wah..so touching lor..looking back at my past relationships, i can only sigh..

actually..i kinda disliked my own life..if the clock could turn back again, i would want to start all over again..but i doubt i can..actually it all started from jc..i think i would have enjoyed more if i went to hcjc..i think i should have studied harder for As and done better..i think i wouldnt be a CI..i think i would just want to really do well for As..and i think i really want to do well in uni too...

i met this primary school friend's mum at the clinic..she was shocked that i graduated with a degree without honors..ya..cos i was one of the top students in primary school..my tuition kid was asking me about my O level results..yah..i was a 6 pointer but i din really do well for A levels and I just graduated with a degree without honors..she was shocked too..i saw my jc friend and when she knew i was graduating without honors, she was like saying " what happened to you?!"

hai..why must there be a mindset that xiaojun is always very smart and that she is expected to ace all her exams? its tiring to be living up to other people's expectations and feeling disappointed when everything just seems to fail =( studying hard and doing well has not been what i am capable of since JC times..something went wrong..but i nv knew what it was..

but time can't go back..and now, i just have to bear with what i have become..

been reading " tuesdays with morrie" and i don't know why, i just had this urge to be a volunteer teacher in Cambodia for the next few months before i go nie..if not, i really don't know when i will have the chance..i feel like giving up my sec 4 tuition kid since i only just started 1 lesson..but then again, when i went for tuition with my cousin today, i was really motivated to see her through PSLE..to see that she at least passes and goes to a secondary school..i feel this obligation towards her..as far as i would wish that i could really do something for myself, i felt that she needed someone to help her..hai..i was touched when she told me that her Maths has improved..at least she doesn't fail. it may not really be my efforts but im glad to be with her as she crosses her first PSLE hurdle..

hai..so i might not be going overseas..hai..so confusing..mayb i should just stay in singapore..there's so mnay voluntary organizations in singapore that i can help..so i might just stay on and be an active member..

hai..more and more things to think about..sigh..