there was a gathering for 6A'97 people yesterday..mingmao called and asked if i was going..i wasn't..wanted to go back home to do things..(although i din do much in the end)..but mingmao mentioned something that struck me "i never had so much fun talking to guanghui, xianming, junjie, xiong jie until recently..we just click..last time primary school also never talked so much.."

yah..it was david who kinda brought 6A'97 people back together again..i still remembered that 28th oct morning..which was about 3 weeks ago..it was 8.30am.suddenly melvyn msged "do you know what happened to our primary school classmate, david?" I was stunned..haven really been in contact in me. the last time i saw him was in nus when he came to evangenalise. yah. had his msn. only talked once. hai.i said " i din know"..he asked me to look at the orbiturary to confirm if he was david..sigh..it was..to my shock..

hai..i spread the msg around..realised i had lost my hp and lost many people's contacts..but amazingly..from a few spread to many..in the end, over 20 people turned up..it was more than half the class. even our beloved primary school teacher, Mrs loo (aka miss see toh) was there. and we set off in 4 cars..hai..everyone has grown..there was one doctor..one lawyer..one teacher (me) some were already working but many were still studying..

it was from the night service that i found out so much about david that i never knew of him..such an active volunteer..we would have been great friends if i know his commitments in community service..hai..God is unfair..why did he choose to take someone who was so faithful to him away..i dun understand..mayb the christians can explain better..hai..

it was strange..we gathered outside and had a good laugh at how everyone has grown..mingmao commented i was becoming ah lian..mayb cos the way i have to talk to students..but strangely he added that " i thought you are supposed to influence the students..how come the students influence you now?" yah..it din occur to me..we had jokes and laughter..people have grown prettier, taller and we couldn't even recognize some of them..it was a contrast to the scene inside the hall..his family was mourning..

somehow david brought us together..it was a strange way to meet..a way that i wouldn't have wanted to meet the rest..but it was through this gathering that we came back together..its exactly 10 years..

till now, its still like a shock..i still vividly rem the sight of a friend lying in that box..he wasn't just sleeping..he has left us..and images of long, just and even ah gong just flashed through..

it doesn't seem to come to my mind that my ah gong has passed away.. just like when i asked hl why she's going back to malaysia..she replied "to see my ah ma" den she paused for a while..oh! my ah ma has passed away..go back to see my cousins..

i truly understood what huiling meant when she would sit at the coffeeshop and waited for her grandfather to come..and only to realise that her grandfather has passed away..i remembered when seeing familiar backviews of people looking at my ah gong and i called out to them, only realising that my ah gong has passed away..i remembered when i visited edwin's dad at the hospital, i thought i saw ah gong in one of the wards..i wanted to go in to visit..only to realise it wasn't and i was there to visit edwin's dad..

hai..yesterday huey ling asked " what would you do if the doctor says you only have 3 months to live.." she added..everyone has to die eventually..so do give it a thought..hmm..a penny for thoughts...

oh..i remembered when we bidded farewell to david's father, he was aksing "who's xiaojun"..i was shocked.."uncle, im xiaojun.how come u remember me?" "Oh! you were always the top in class in primary school.." my heart sank further for the night..den i meant edwin sng and he asked what i was doing..den i said "teaching" so he asked"scholarship"..i said"no"..hai..i kinda felt terrible after that..whats the point of excelling when you were young and you became nothing when u grew older..hai..graduating after 3 years cos i couldn't make it to honors..sometimes, its not about not wanting to study..it was about me unable to qualify..

life's sad..i would rather not be known at all since young..everyone has expectations of me..everyone tinks so highly of me..but in the end, i have failed everybody's expectations..life's tough facing all these expectations from people..i even dread to go back to school soemtimes..bumping into friends who knows of my excellent results in the past and shocked to know that i have graduated..

hai..but life still goes on..but im always stuck with tis ugly history..