disoriented

was talkin to woman online..my nick was "feeling a little empty" and her nick was "disorientation"..hmm..as we were talking, i realized why both of us had similar emotions..it was after our overseas trip..hers was nepal..mine was cambodia..

i also dunno how to describe this feeling..i teared on the plane back to singapore from cambodia..din know y..just a feeling of "she bu de" overwhelmed me..

back in singapore..things were just different..the hectic lifestyle which began with trying to tie up loose ends for GESL camp..and preparing for practicum..till the actual practicum..

there's always this question.."what can i do for the cambodians there? what is more that i can do?" "how can i progress with life?" it feels sick to be "engulfed" by the work..

hai. been hearing news about jc classmates..4/9 classmates..hai..i just feel very small and ashamed of myself..scholars..phD..doctors..bankers..i'm just a teacher..a job that "any man can"..
sigh..edwin says i shouldn't compare..be glad with what i have..but i just feel wasted.. i guess i should have achieved more..sometimes, i hesitate about going for such gatherings.. when people share about how they have progressed in life, how good their lives were now..den i will feel very inferior..teaching is just one other job..somemore, i'm not a scholar..and i am just someone with a basic degree..sometimes, just feel really shitty..

hai...