hai..life has been difficult to pass by for the past 3 days...

sigh..the school holidays syndrome..nothing much to do...except to start preparing work for the new term.. (but its about 1 week more to go)..lacking that motivation...

just start to feel that my life's kinda screwed up..cos of my busy-ness for the past few years, i seemed to losing that human touch...was looking at facebook and msn..though there are many names, but there just doesn't seem to be many whom i can just talk freely with or just randomly ask to meet..

if i should try to ask a friend out, it all seems to take much efforts and probably to a certain extent awkwardness..

perhaps, i have been too used to friends organizing this or that gathering...such that im not used to being the organizer...hai...just found out that there was a kayaking gathering today for BOH..and I was kinda missed out/ not informed..hai....just felt kinda sad..actually my presence has not made any difference..it won't be like...when there's a gathering, people would start asking " where is xiaojun?"..4 projects..pa7, 8, 9 and BOH...which project can i actually maintain that special link? even like ivan could go to australia with pa10 people..

hai..whats wrong with me? mm was right..he is now so busy that he doesn't have time to emo...probably im too free..such that i have time to emo... =(

need to be busier...

hmm..its boring to be home alone..
attempts to meet various friends failed...so very randomly, I just msn-ed mm n he could make it! as he was saying, he's like the Plan B..but he was quite optimistic...at least im still like the Plan B...
mm was talking most of the time during the meet-up...talking about his unhappiness for the past 3 years at the dad's workplace...the "wei qu" he had to tolerate...and now that he has decided to separate away from his family to do his own business...so many things have changed for the past 3 years...

sounds a little daunting for a 24 year old...but he was full of confidence and aspiration..itz amazing how he has chosen to take the path less travelled...instead of moving on to a uni after JC, he chose to enter the workforce..and i felt that he has grown a lot...but somehow, it also felt as though he was forced into "accelerated growth"..

wateva the case is, im sure he will be more successful than any of us who has chosen to take the path that has always been laid for us...jia you mm!

hai...im not happy...actually i havent really been happy...

anyway, i should talk about things that make me feel better...met my 2T1 students from zhenghua sec @ the LMSC today..hai..the feeling's so nice when the students greeted you from afar "miss lin" and were so excited to talk to you..its glad to hear that g has moved on to NA from NT...there was an especially warm feeling when the students said "come back to zhenghua to teach us leh"...

hai..but prior to these nice soothing scenes were words of discouragement "you are not really needed here"..being treated as transparent and unheard..being deemed as not capable..where efforts are not acknowledged...

sigh..as much as i felt injustice to how i was treated, come to think of it, i dun really have much worth...poor classroom management,anyone can easily handle the classes better than me...lessons lack innovation and creativity...poor voice projection...thot my rapport with students not too bad...but actually its just like that only...i dun have any niche area...music learn already so-so...ballet learn liao also so-so...sports also so-so...IT skills so-so...jack of all trades but master of none..hai..