postmortem...

had a talk with edwin.
as expected, he just kept on saying that it was just a passing comment.
at the end of the conversation, i just said " yes. i want to break up."
And he agreed.

So many breakups have been mentioned.But this was the first time i looked into his eyes and said that.
i know each time i said "breakup", it hurts him a lot..
but breaking up always seem to me as the fastest and the best solution.
i told myself not to cry.
calmly, i removed our photo from the wallet and the photos from the wall..
i even thought about the things that I needed to hand over to him. i really wanted to have a clean break with him.

but soon after that, i broke down. it was painful. more painful that hearing the comment about "buying a present is compulsory, if not kena".

hai. come to think of it, he probably said so of the experience from valentine's day when he got into trouble cos he did not prepare anything. hai. i thought i could compromise on it. no need to celebrate valentine's day or anniversaries. then lidat won't have anymore arguments. cos even if he tries to do anything, i will jsut think that he is making up for things or worried of getting scolded. there are just some guys who do not see the importance of valentine's day or anniversaries..so just let it be lor..

but then, i still cannot bring myself to accept the fact about getting married at 30 years old..
so perhaps, i just have to stick to this decision.

hai. relationships take up a lot of time. could have done so much more work without all these nonsense.