090909

its edwin's birthday today. its always happy birthday. i suppose he is happy.
but on my part, im feeling kinda down.sigh.

early part of yesterday, my spirits were still high. cos on monday, edwin asked me to go find him in australia..
but when i read his blog in the later part of the day, my spirits went down again..
he mentioned about how life's an irony..how people only learnt to treasure something when they have lost it. BUT he has already past that stage. i kinda sensed his mockery. mocking at me only learning to treasure him when everything's too late. at the same time, it was like a warning to me that since he has past that stage, he no longer treasures me since he has passed that stage.

then i saw him talking about how lonely he would be in summer cos everyone's leaving. it dawned upon me that it could be because he was lonely..thats why he wanted me to go over..
probably not because he really wants me to be there..

sigh..what really saddened me today was cos my mum actually called him on several occassions to ask him to give me a chance..and he refused..
mum's very worried about me..she asked me to give up..dun talk to him anymore..
mum reminded me that for the past one week plus, i have always been the one who is initiating conversations and asking for patch back..he has never taken the initiative to talk to me..if he truly loves me, how could such a simple thing make him give up? and its not the first time that it has happened. mum then said that edwin agreed that his mum was not happy with me after the buy house incident..which is probably why there was the 30 year thinggy.

i have left my msn on for the past few hours..but he has not taken any initiative to talk to me..=(
mum's really right......

maybe i should just give up le...