yesterday, i went to sleep in tears..but it was tears of relief..
cos it felt i was seeing a glimpse of hope from my relationship again..
edwin said that there were manay sms-es of break ups but there were also very nice messages..
he din know what to do..
i guess he probably needs more time..
i just hope that he doesn't push me away totally..

i told him that i will and i want to continue to care for him..
he did not object to it. it felt that he was slowly giving me another chance..

i kinda planned out my december schedule.
28 nov - 5 dec: Cambodia/ Vietnam.
6 dec: alice's wedding
7 dec - 10 dec: Bali with shashi, yanming and roz.
11 dec - 13 dec: ATC
13 dec: Bee Hong's wedding
14 dec: - 16 Dec: rest
17 dec: Cynthia's wedding
18 dec - 29 dec: fly to brisbane.
30 dec: staff meeting and a new year starts.

i was happily looking around for good prices for air tickets..
Jetstar: SGD 1163.84
Qantas: SGD 1190
SIA: SGD 1089

SIA is much cheaper by about 100SGD. it was some kinda promotion that will end today.. and i love the timing cos its a midnight flight to brisbane.
which means i will have enough time to attend cynthia's wedding and then head straight to the airport.

i had such a strong urge to book the air ticket immediately..
but somehow, i was worried about the school calender. if i would be allowed leave till 29 dec.
and i din know how edwin would take it.

hai. so today, i mustered up some courage and asked him if i could go over to visit him..
but the response was "dun need to come over"
hai. my heart shattered once again.
and i secretly teared at my table, during the journey from school to moe hq and from moe hq back home.
perhaps, i had too high expectations..i have too high hopes..thinking that he would be happy to hear the news and receive me with open hands..but i was wrong..
guess i shouldn't be too pushy..
should just give him more free space and time..

tears are an amazing creature..it will just sceretly drop from the corner of your eyes and roll down without you realising it.