CNY + VDay

This year (2010) is a special year cos CNY falls on the same date as VDay.

i haven't celebrated CNY for 2 years..cos grandma passed away 2 years back and grandpa passed away 3 years..

i was kinda looking forward to CNY after the 2 year break..but today I realised that CNY seemed to have lost its original meaning since the demise of ah gong and ah ma..

there's no more a gathering point where all the relatives can gather for reunion dinner and New Year..like now, my Chinese New Year was spent at home..just went to a temple to pray.. and perhaps, now its just a time for me to catch up on my marking (but i don't really have the mood to mark)

tomorrow, we are going to pray to ah gong and ah ma then i will probably pop by shubing's house at night..then for tues, I will pop by mei sze's house.. hai.. quite sad.. cos im not visiting any relatives' houses this year.. at most only frends'.. quite meaningless to me tho.. =(

today's valentine's day too.. no valentine this year..
mum was making pray to some "marriage god" at the temple just now..
yesterday, she kept on repeating about me finding a boyfriend back home for reunion dinner next year..
hai.. i also want to.. BUT no guy whom I have chemistry with.. how..
im kinda envious of friends who have bfs to keep them company..to share their love, happiness and woes with..
i guess my friends who are still single would feel that it is alright to be single.. maybe im different.. i really hope to settle down soon with a loved one and move on to another stage of my life..

dunno y i just can't seem to have luck with love relationships..one after another.. and these ex-bfs of mine are all happily attached now.. i c friends who tied the knot after being attached for several years..or at least are still attached after years.. but for me, its one after another.. to an extent that im so fearful and hopeless...perhaps, I have done too many wrongdoings..so now, I have to be punished in a way through all the failed love relationships..