the day din start off too well.. =(

with the HOD forgetting my name at the meeting..
and not assigning any task to me for Science week..
somehow, makes me feel so small... =(

started the morning lesson with 4e1.. i think i spent too much time trying to settle the talkative boys that one of my students have to say "can we start now?"...sigh.. and when the bell rang and cos the next teacher was not here..i continued..so the next teacher commented that i was an inefficient teacher..my heart sank.. probably i am..

then went for VE lesson..there was supposed to be 30 minutes of teachers' time..which i was only informed of today and which i had no time to prepare..
sigh..i thot i could just use the time to settle the admin like collecting o level and n level fees..but in the end, none of them brought it =(
and i wanted to show them some videos..
but only to realise that all the videos were already shown ..
did terrance's USD1 trick..
but in the end, one of the students said he did not quite understand (probably of my bad facilitation skills)

went to 2e2.. i think my lessons are really boring.. seems that 2e1 had more fun instead.. felt so guilty towards my class.. i also hope i can make my lesson more interesting and more fun.. =)
sigh..i probably lack all the creative juices.. need to get them back..

went on with the lesson with 4e1.. one of the students just said things like "nvm..surely fail one la" then one of my students wanted to drop chemistry.. hai..

went on to npcc.. hmm.. got the timing for the flag day wrongly so had to reprint.. sighz.. in the end, not enough time to give to all the students..


and i only had a mouthful of the lunch i bought.. so sad.. =( had to bring it home for dinner..

whats wrong with me?.. =(

realised my moods will swing with his thoughts and feelings..
if he's unhappy.. i will also feel unhappy.. how i wish i could be there to support him emotionally.. =(

sometimes i would get hurt by what he writes..like when he said that he wish he could get a new gf soon.. =(

but today he wrote "我是幸福的"..felt so happy for him..tho i wanted to know who or what gave him the 幸福..

sigh..probably ppl will laugh at my foolishness..y am i holding on till now? its been half a year..
liqi said she wants to recommend a guy to me..a quarter of me is looking forward to it..but 3/4 of me still can't let go.. so i just told her.. "im not ready for another relationship"

带我走。。。
有谁能带我离开这伤心又依依不舍的地？

帶我走...

June holidays resolution

thot of doing so many things but i din get a chance:

1. Watch a movie at OMNIMAX
2. Watch a 3D movie (i haven watched movies with frends for a loooong time..the last movie was in dec with my sis..after my lasik)
3. Finish watching "jiu xiang lai zhe ni"..
4. Watch Boys over Flowers

march holidays..

march holidays' coming to an end! sigh..

hmm.. but it has been a rather busy and fulfilling (maybe) holidays..

fri: meet the parents session (sigh.. talk so much with the parents that i sometimes lost my train of thoughts..actually i think the parents are generally nice.. most of them know that eventually, their children are supposed to be the ones who need to work hard to put in efforts..except for the richer and more educated parents who question y their children are not performing..)

fri - sun: UG camp..(quite a disappointing camp) poor planning.. not enough food..
but the sec 1s themselves also like quite sian,..not very enthu about cheering..
i also dunno if its the sec 1s themselves or its the camp's fault..probably its both..
i did an aar for the camp..haha.. must make sure next year will be a better one..
anyway i was so happy to see kenneth's handwritten letter on my table when i reach home =)

mon: was down with gastric flu..diarrhoea..vomitting..never felt so terrible before..
i think i must really watch my hygiene to prevent such things from happening again..
but i had to go back to school to settle the cluster thinggy..sigh..
as usual, im termed the "assistant"..but dunno y ended up im doin most things..

tues: cluster workshop in the morning.. i realised i need to provide more rewards (chocolates) for my lessons to engage the students..
extra lesson with 4e1..
tuition with marcus
tuition with shannen
what a looong day..
i still went to ntuc after shannen's tuition at 9.15pm..
wanted to buy some food for 4e1 for coming back for extra lessons..
i was totally knocked out when i reached home at nearly 11pm

wed:
morning lesson with 4e1..
went to settle my phone.. N97! hmm..i realised i really dun research on such things..
i was hesitating so much about which phone to buy.. luckily i did sms kenneth to ask for recommendation..if not, i would be at a total loss..
went to hospital to see mummy..she had a laser operation..
i felt so bad.. cos she was vomitting while waiting for me and dad to return from the starhub shop..should have allowed her to go home first.. =(
waited for 2 hours to see the doctor..

thurs:
nco camp.
visit to alpha biofuel factory - really impressed by the work that the director has spearheaded.. converting used oil to biofuel..cool!

fri:
break camp.
mark some books.
took a cab to meet wan xuan..was raining cats and dogs and i was running late..
the taxi driver started talking to me..
first, he thought that i was goinn to peihwa presbyterian primary to pick up my children! (omg..do i really look like im married?)
then we talked about weather.. like it was raining at the school area but no rain at the courts there..then pulau ubin was about to rain.. (saw meng siang's sms)
then he talked about how "dirty" pulau ubin was..how his passengers who go fishin at ubin at night not dare to go to certain places.. then i told him about how a female ci was possessed there before..
then he moved on to talk about changi beach.. saying his ba pok was lying down with a customer.. and saw a female ghost on top of a tree.. "he" was freaked out..told the customer.. the customer thot that "he" was not interested in doing "business" with him..quickly wore the clothes and left.. then later on, the ba pok asked a few other ba pok frend to go see but all can't see..apparently the ba pok got yin yang yan..
then the taxi driver asked me if i got c anything like this before.. i said no..
he said that if i wanted to see.. i can go to lim chu kang to see during hungry ghost festival..
cos the dang ji will set up a procession surrounded by joss sticks..can see all the spirits coming up from their graveyards.. i told him that i dun want to see cos im scared.. i asked him if he had seen it before.. he said he did not..only heard from his malay passengers who are in dalt and mixes around with other dang ji.. hmmm.. dunno whether to believe him anot..
anyway its nice meeting up with wanxuan.. wan xuan's really a very nice and simple girl.. i still remembered she said that her ambition was to be "a hao3 mama"..could talk to her about anything under the sun..including about the unhappiness at work..
accompanied her to westmall to settle her dad's photo+photoframe present.. hmm.. i realised i have never given a "handmade" gift to dad..its usually a wallet..a belt..a shirt..etc..
went to science center to buy the hydrogen fuel car..
then went to plaza singapura to collect the citispa run pack..
another packed day..but im so glad that at least im doing things for myself..

sat:
woke up at 730am..decided to go for the campcraft competition..
hmm..main objective was to look at how the other units pitch so that i can bring the ideas back..
thot i was running late..
so i decided to take a cab..$14.80! omg..i never knew i was willing to spend such money.. lol..
reached there at about 8.20pm..
sadly..it was delayed..and the boys pitched first..so in the end, the girls only started pitching at 10am like that..if i took a MRT, there was still more than enough time.. =(
NVM..

hmm..anyway i felt kinda out without my squadmates.. im not really the "rara" type, esp. if im alone.. anyway, sadly the girls only managed to get 5th and 7th..haiz..

was supposed to go for a run.. but i decided to go back home instead after that..cos it was raining in ubin.. din want to run in the rain.. the rain could have stopped when the run started..but i thot i should go home and get some work done..

hai..thought of edwin again.. how nice it would have been to have him around to accompany for cc comp..to accompany me for camps..and many more..hai..the same question always popped up "why did you so heartlessly decide to give me up?" it still hurts till now..

its 11.07pm now..finished marcus' tuition at 6.15 - 7.45pm..went home, dinner, watch "ai" and blogging..

gotta start work again..

i really had enough..

was shouted at by student..
was insulted by vulgarities by student..
and finally, a student said " teacher, can i say something? you really cannot control the class. The class is too noisy. I cannot learn anything. "

multiple stabs.. it hurts.. i told the student " did you all put in any efforts to revise in the first place?" i just said "ok. change teacher lor."
but thinking back, what she says is true.. i need to be better able to control the class.. i have had enough..

HOW to get the whole class to SHUT UP?! =(

feeling the low point of teaching...why do my tears just keep flowing?"
feel so lousy.. =(
i hope i can find a shoulder to cry on.. right now..

rush hour 3

our first movie together was rush hour 3..
it was cold in the theatre so u held my hands..

there's rush hour 3 showing on tv now..
but u will no longer be there to keep my hands warm..

hai..yesterday bbq..no one more helper to bbq the satay..some of the satays were uncooked and some overcooked..no one more person to play catching with the kids..

i still think of you.. but i know there's no point of return..

moving on with life.. but memories remain.. till the day my memory fails me..

still feeling down for 3 days..

on monday, i told off 2 students for copying in their tests by asking them to explain their working..
they indignantly just said "we copied lor!"
omg..how come they are not embarrassed that they made a mistake..
the worst thing was one of the girls took back the test paper and crushed the papers on the floor..
innocently, i walked past her table and saw a crushed paper on the floor..
i was so angry..i just told her off.."it is your fault..why are you crushing the paper on the floor, making it as tho its MY or the paper's fault?"
hai.. then she refused to talk.. i was already upset cos the class din do well despite that it was an open book test.. =(
woah.. i felt so angry that im suffering all these grievances..

on tuesday, the student who was upset with me about reporting the smooching foto on facebook refused to answer my questions when i asked her about her meet-the-parents session form and when i asked her to read.. "take out for WHAT? I also won't read!" then she started laughing about other classmates about my little tummy..

brought students to east coast park..most of them were sitting at the park, rather than doing work.. so angry..students even went to buy food from macdonald's when they did not do any work..and talked back to me as tho they were not at fault..

really very sad.. i dun understand y i am teaching such students..
i still wanted to take up masters for another 2 years..but sigh..

hmm..somemore, i dun feel that im having any breakthrough in my work.. im not thought of highly by the HOD.. he doesn't even ask for my opinions during meetings or discussions.. and of course, i dun have any outstanding talent and wisdom to display.. =(

even in npcc, the boys' team that i was in charge of could only barely clinch 63rd position.. while the girls' team actually managed to get 23rd position! i dunno if it has to be with the team itself..
but perhaps, im not a good trainer/ leader..

hai.....

hope thurs and fri will be better =(