as i was talking to terrance, i just realised this whole list of things that have happened for the past 2 weeks..

student A quarrel with gf, called the mum saying he wants to commit suicide. worried father called me, saying he dreamt of a young couple jumping off a building..

student B who has been helping lots with the project was involved in a theft case for teacher's iphone..

student C has not reported to school for 7 days and have not returned home.. sigh..

student D's father passed away.. =(

Indian-chinese fight. students suspended.

bullying of classmate.

student E falling sick every week..

n level student working every day

perhaps, this is teacher's life..so many different things to deal with everyday..

saw on facebook that ben was choosing gown for his wife-to-be..
so nice..
i have long gotten over him..
its just that even my first lover is getting married.. (i wonder if he would invite me)
and yet, im still looking for my Mr Right..

sigh! when will i ever be able to wear that wedding gown..

just keep waiting.. (and maybe, finding)

broken trust

hmm..there's this student who has been helping lots with the bio project..
he was a problematic student but i kinda forgotten all his bad problems and chose to believe that he was a nice and helpful boy after all..
until the phone went missing..

sigh..somehow, the trust that i had in him just vanished.. it was like a sense of being "betrayed"..
but perhaps, i just tend to believe too much in people..

anyway, attended the 1st yec meeting and Meet-the-People session..
was an eye opener..
hmm..but im not confident of contributing..
so busy with school work le..
but then, i thought that getting myself involved in something else was a good way to break away from work..
sigh..c how lor..

anyway, kenneth had this crazy idea of asking me to consider k..
haha.. i just said "no" cos he's a christian/ catholic..

hmm..and suddenly i was reminded of this when mr c kunalan shared about how he got together with his wife despite of all the parental objections.. with the pledge in mind "regardless of race, language or religion".. i thought mr c kunalan's family was really interesting.. and i was kinda proud to have been thought by his daughters =) omg.. din know that gina kunalan married an ang moh!
but most importantly, he inspired me with his determination, the determination in academics and in sports.. amazing man!

anyway, i just realised that when i was with edwin, there was something to look forward to everyday.. i think its really heartwarming to be able to see someone you love at the end of each day..not that i dun love my parents.. but its different..
sigh..now that he's not with me anymore, i lost that something to look forward to everyday..
which is why life seems more meaningless..

need to look for something else to look forward to everyday instead..

i had this student who was not willing to run cos she was worried that people would say she's fat and laughed at her.

I told her " don't have to worry about what others say. believe in yourself. because you are who you are. don't have to always be living in a world where you are trying to live up to other ppl's expectations"

today she ran. and i told her "im so glad that you decided to run." she said "yah. now i can laugh back at those who laughed at me. at least i can tell them that i can run faster than them." she smiled confidently.

i realised that i can tell others all these but not to myself.
i always envy ppl who can run fast.. who can play music well.. who can communicate so well.. who are so full of energy.. who are so creative..

i wonder whats my strength. searching for it.....

regrets

too many regrets in life..
as i think back, the more i hate the life i have now..
it feels like an entrapment, so difficult to move on in life.. =(

someone once mentioned " you need to find back the happiness from within. "

and it seems like i can't...