Personal Taste

finally finished watching "Personal Taste"..
it felt like a continuous marathon.. and for the past 3 days, i was almost absorbed into the show..

i know each time when I finished a drama serials, i will feel a little empty.. cos there's probably nothing for me to look forward to..

sigh..anyway, whenever i watch drama serials, there will always be some scenes when I could draw parallels to my life..

have i really fallen for him? did i really hope that something would work out between us? but how? how could a gay ever like me? And would i reach the stage like kae-in, hoping to become a man whom he is capable of loving and even willing to marry him as a cover up.. sigh..i dunno.. i dunno if i have such strong feelings towards him that i am willing to go through all these for him.. because everyone around seems to tell me how lousy he is..yet, what i saw, was a guy whom i could call when i needed someone to talk to.. someone whom i thought if i were ever to get into trouble, he would be willing to help.. someone who would listen to me whine about my ex..see my tears when im sad..and just scold me when i do stupid things.. who would care for me when im drunk and scold me if i drink too much.. yet, this guy can't love me as a woman..perhaps, the divination was right.. "Do not hope for non-existent object and objectives." even if he can change his preference, there are so many other girls around him..

but do i have the right to fall in love again when i have not even gotten over edwin? when i would still unknowingly pick up my phone and wanna call him..

sigh..with all these, i can't help but feel that im closing doors to this one guy.. who would always take the initiative to talk to me on MSN.. to always want to find out why im feeling that way based on my MSN nick.. who's willing to go to JP to accompany me for lunch.. who's willing to send me to the bus stop and wait with me for the bus.. and to listen to all my whining from my ex-bf to tuition.. who put up with my emo thoughts during the travelling days..yet, deep in my heart, i know there was someone else whom i hope i could share all these with instead..can't help but feel that im selfish..

AND i had an argument with my mum again.. over my fat tummy.. sigh.. why can't we just be more amiable.....

BUT on a happier note, i got to see David the cutie and Duo Duo. Such lovely babies who just smile so radiantly. and espeically david, who remained so strong despite all the challenges.

gotta end now. need to catch back on work.